So, I'm not even sure where to begin ... I can't believe how much I've ignored my blog - no good excuse other than life itself - is that a good enough reason? I can't believe that it has actually been 6 MONTHS since my last post!!! Yikes!!! Worst blogger ever...
Since it has been SO long since my last post, I'm going to attempt to do a complete (yet concise) summary of my life over the past 6 months...
(1) Super Ben & Being a mom
Super Ben, as Andy and I call him, is now 9 months old ... he is turning into quite a character. He has 8 teeth, his molars are coming in, he is crawling, pulling up on furniture, cruising along the furniture, eating all kinds of solids, can say mama and dada (says dada much more often), still nursing and is not really sleeping through the night. He absolutely loves his childcare - which is great. His child care providers care so much for him - which is exactly what we need. I wish that all families had access to such high quality child care - we are very fortunate and VERY grateful...Super Ben is quite the ladies man and a huge flirt - very funny right now ... will not be funny when he is a teenager. Being a mom has been an exhausting and incredible experience. I love Super Ben so much and Andy and I are very lucky to be given such an incredible gift. I just want to make sure that I am the best parent possible - the difficult thing is that when I get home from work I am flat out tired and spent - sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough "educational" stuff with Super Ben (e.g. being consistent in teaching him sign language, reading more than just "good night moon," going around the house pointing things out to him, teaching him new words, etc.)
(2) My Dad
As many of you may already know, my dad has been living with cancer (adenoid cystic carcinoma with origins in the sublinguial gland) for at a minimum the past 10 years. About a month after returning back to work, we found out that my dad's cancer had spread again...so he now has tumors in both lungs, liver, kidneys, rib cage, pancreas, and stomach. In November or December (it is all a blur right now), his oncologist recommended that my dad consider hospice since there was nothing more that they could do to treat his cancer. (Sidenote: a couple of years ago, my dad had tomotherapy targeted at a couple of tumors one in his lung and another impinging on his esophagus which was interfering with his eating. The tomotherapy was effective in reducing the size of those tumors and essentially extending his life and quality of life. The reason that this is no longer an option is because there are so many tumors throughout his body.) So, my dad is currently in hospice and has been for the past 3 months. For the most part his pain is well managed. He is, however, growing increasingly more weak and losing more and more weight. We try to visit him as much as possible these days. About a 1.5 weeks ago, I had the amazing (and grace filled) experience of reading a letter to my dad about what he means to me. I thought that I would be okay reading the letter - however, I could not even get through the 1st sentence without starting to cry. (I may post the letter here eventually so folks can know what he means to me). In addition to telling my dad what he means to me, as a family we learned what my dad wants at his visitation, funeral, and what he wants for each of us moving forward. What and incredible, albeit very tough, experience.
(3) Andy
All that I can say is that I have the most incredible husband, partner and friend in the world. What else is there to say? Love you Andy!
(4) Work
So, I'm not sure if folks know, but I have a tendency to be rather intense (shocking, I know). For the most part, I absolutely love my job. However, the first 3 months back at work from maternity leave were HORRIBLE - I hated it ... I hated that I had to leave Super Ben, I hated pumping, I hated being without Super Ben all day, and would regularly question my decision to be a mom that also had a career outside the home. I would regularly question my decision to go back to work and felt that I was an awful mother, awful wife, awful worker, etc. I was stressed beyond belief. Things improved dramatically after the new year (really around Feb). We hired some more folks, I (for the most part) came to terms with my decision to have a career, and in general worked very hard to get my sh*t together. There are days that I still question my decision to have a career - however, having a career is so much a part of who I am I don't want to have to choose mother vs. career...I am both and I am learning how to do both well... Any advice???
(5) Reading
I've read a lot of great books over the past 6 months. I'll give an update on that later.
(6) Running
Yeah, still doing that every once in a while. Need to get rid of the front pouch and the back fat...just plain gross.
(7) Knitting
I've completed one knitting project since Super Ben's birth.
Ok, that is all for now - next time, which will be sooner rather than later, I will post some pictures of Super Ben, give an update on my dad, and most likely provide a general rant.
Until then, take care and be well.
Later, A
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
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3 comments:
1) They do education at daycare, so they've got you covered.
2) They learn ALL of that stuff even if you don't try. Henrik has an incredible vocabulary and honestly, I've never once wandered around the house pointing at things, and he failed miserably at sign language. Babies are hardwired to learn! Super Ben will learn because he wants to learn and because you are intersting people with interesting lives - they pick all of that up on their own. Before you know it, he'll be asking you questions because he's listening to what you are listening on the radio, tv or mumbling about. Then you know you are in trouble.
Ditto to much of what Ellen said. And life was hard to balance before having a kid, but now there are more reasons to smile:) Work is part of who you are, and whatever you decide for your family is the right decision. Even if your decision changes. You are consciously creating your life and it is loving, thoughtful, fun, challenging and rewarding.
-MD
wow, so much has gone on. You were such a great big cousin that I know you are an awesome mom. Don't worry about the educational stuff. It's amazing how much they learn without you even trying.
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